Childless Not By Choice
Childlessness involves not having children when you wanted them (childless not by choice or circumstance (CNBC)). Broadly speaking, being childless is different to being child-free, the latter typically involving an individual choosing not to have children.
Childlessness can be related to pregnancy loss and infertility, however, there are various other reasons why someone may not have children, including not meeting a partner, ill health, and even financial.
In the UK workplace, research by Noon found that almost a third of professional women aged 45-60 did not have children (60% CNBC/40% child-free). This is a significant number of employees. However, childlessness is a stigmatised subject with little understanding and recognition. It is important to help CNBC colleagues feel less isolated and more included at work by training and raising awareness, to increase empathy, tackle the stigma and to support people experiencing the associated disenfranchised grief, which can prolong emotional pain.
Workplaces can be difficult to navigate alongside childlessness, but also for people who are undergoing fertility treatment and pregnancy loss. Challenges include the culture being overtly ‘family’ focused, excluding the childless experience. As a result, CNBC colleagues can feel triggered, shamed, invisible and outsiders. Some examples include:
- Being expected to work Christmas / festive seasons / long weekends.
- Being expected to work extra hours and covering for parents when they or their children are sick.
- Allowing parents first choice of holidays and taking precedence in the application of flexible working policies.
- People sharing baby announcements and photos without warning.
- Baby showers, gifts and cards doing the rounds.
- Using examples or references ‘as a mother’ or ‘you wouldn’t understand stress because you are not a parent’.
- Unhelpful opinions & anecdotes (‘I know someone who…’)
- Enduring toxic positivity (pressure to only display positive emotions, suppressing any negative emotions, feelings, reactions, or experiences).
No-one should come to work and be made to feel uncomfortable, and it’s not realistic to expect ourselves (or others) to feel positive and optimistic all the time. Making space for our feelings (all of them, not just the nice ones) helps us process our challenges, and when we embrace the entire range of emotions, we become better able to connect with others. We’re more empathic and able to receive or give support when needed.
Doing Better
Creating a psychologically safe environment for CNBC employees who may have experienced traumatic events, isolation and loss is vital. Workplaces can do so by creating awareness and openness through training, which helps parents to realise that it’s not about ‘taking something away’ but rather creating an inclusive and supportive working environment for all.
Crucially, workplaces must manage potential triggers by implementing a protocol, for example, the sharing of baby pictures, arranging a colleague’s baby shower outside of the workplace and making attendance optional.
Go to Helpful links for more information and invaluable support from MIST Workshops, shining light on reproductive issues, and childlessness at work.